Divorce - good or bad?

I asked a friend the other day if a mutual friend was single and she responded, "She's divorced."  Me:  "But is she single?"  Friend:  "Oh.  Yes, she is."  My conclusion:  one's experience affects the connotation of the word divorce.

My Divorce Story:

I was married after 2nd year med school to my first boyfriend.  I had huge doubts but felt an obligation to everyone but myself to continue down a path that I thought was my destiny.  I did not find the strength to leave this relationship until mid-way through my final year of residency. 


The first few months of separation were very difficult.  Soon after I told my husband that I wanted a separation, I left for a 6 week Obstetrical elective in a rural centre.  I was alone and living in a gloomy, abandoned, old wing of a rural hospital in the midst of a Canadian deep-freeze.  That January we set a record for the number of consecutive days (I think about 13!) that the mean temperature was -30oC.  The loneliness was initially overwhelming and I constantly questioned my decision to leave the relationship.  But, after some time, I started to feel slightly better each day.  

Ultimately, I was fortunate to be alone for 6 weeks with forced time to contemplate my past relationship intermixed with the joy and excitement of attending deliveries on my own.  I learned a lot about myself in those few weeks.

As an overachiever, I viewed my divorce as the biggest failure of my life. In hindsight, I celebrate the strength, courage and belief in self that allowed me to leave behind the security of marriage for the anxiety-provoking unknown.  My actions resulted in less pain, more happiness and a bit of wisdom.


The word divorce, for me, is bittersweet.  It came with feelings of disappointment and sadness.  But after the grief, came feelings of relief, peace, and hope.  And how can that be a bad thing?