Monday, July 19, 2010

Birthday Haiku

Celebrate my birth
I will dance, sing, laugh, and feast
Kisses wet my cheeks.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Retirement - NOT!

Saw a financial advisor today.  He asked me at what age I want to retire?  Interestingly, at least to myself, I said "never".  I often answer questions without thinking (sometimes to the detriment of myself and others).  I then have to do damage control when I witness the person's reaction.

My advisor's reaction was one of surprise, skepticism, and impatience.  I could read his mind and he was thinking, "Seriously?  Who doesn't want to retire?  Why doesn't she just answer the question?  This isn't a comedy sketch.  Let's get down to business!"

But I AM serious!  I felt an explanation was necessary.  I told him that I have created a life that I am happy living every day.  I do not live for holidays.  Holidays are wonderful, of course, and I do take them and enjoy them.  But, to me, it makes more sense to pace yourself and create a life that you can handle day-to-day over the long-term.  I leave jobs when they become monotonous or find ways to make old jobs interesting again.  I love to learn!  And, I acknowledge that I am fortunate to be in a position to have the freedom to choose.

Several of my friends were on the "5-year plan".  They planned to work really, really hard and then let up and enjoy their riches.  Well, guess what?  They have now surpassed the 10-year plan with no end in sight and are working as hard as ever.  Once your life is set up to work as hard as you possibly can, while taking the odd holiday to "recover",  it is difficult, if not impossible, to rewind the gears and work less.  It can be done but it is a challenge.  As well, the ill-effects on your health are obvious.

My advice (which is a mantra when prescribing to the elderly):  "START LOW.  GO SLOW."  It's much easier to increase your workload than to decrease it.  Don't start off overextended as soon as you're out of the gate.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Kidless and Fancy-free

I have been without my kidlets for 26 hours.

I have experienced much:  a leisurely shower, an uninterrupted conversation with my husband, dinner out, a fundraiser at the art gallery paired with chocolate gelato, several LRT rides (lovin' my July transit pass), sleeping in on a Sunday morning, perusing the paper while sipping coffee and nibbling cinnamon buns, a bike ride to campus to watch Spain defeat Netherlands for the World Cup championship (woot!), completion of my recent copies of Elle (bordeaux and tangerine are "THE" colours for fall) and Chatelaine (time to get rid of friends who make you feel like crap), some sushi for din din, followed by a relaxing B-A-T-H (these days only a biannual occurrence).

Is it true that one only appreciates free time when one has no free time?  I'm singing Joni Mitchell's tune:

Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got til it's gone.
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot.

My current paradise is freedom and it has been returned to me for a few days.  It is sweeter than sweet.  I am savouring it now because my heart will soon be aching for my absent children.  It's come as an unexpected surprise, but they are my true paradise.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Divorce - good or bad?

I asked a friend the other day if a mutual friend was single and she responded, "She's divorced."  Me:  "But is she single?"  Friend:  "Oh.  Yes, she is."  My conclusion:  one's experience affects the connotation of the word divorce.


My Divorce Story:

I was married after 2nd year med school to my first boyfriend.  I had huge doubts but felt an obligation to everyone but myself to continue down a path that I thought was my destiny.  I did not find the strength to leave this relationship until mid-way through my final year of residency. 


The first few months of separation were very difficult.  Soon after I told my husband that I wanted a separation, I left for a 6 week Obstetrical elective in a rural centre.  I was alone and living in a gloomy, abandoned, old wing of a rural hospital in the midst of a Canadian deep-freeze.  That January we set a record for the number of consecutive days (I think about 13!) that the mean temperature was -30oC.  The loneliness was initially overwhelming and I constantly questioned my decision to leave the relationship.  But, after some time, I started to feel slightly better each day.  

Ultimately, I was fortunate to be alone for 6 weeks with forced time to contemplate my past relationship intermixed with the joy and excitement of attending deliveries on my own.  I learned a lot about myself in those few weeks.

As an overachiever, I viewed my divorce as the biggest failure of my life. In hindsight, I celebrate the strength, courage and belief in self that allowed me to leave behind the security of marriage for the anxiety-provoking unknown.  My actions resulted in less pain, more happiness and a bit of wisdom.


The word divorce, for me, is bittersweet.  It came with feelings of disappointment and sadness.  But after the grief, came feelings of relief, peace, and hope.  And how can that be a bad thing?