Gimme the Snail!

I am not a crafty person. I am not a patient person. So who signed me up for card making?

I attended my first, and likely last, card making party. Don't get me wrong, there were fun moments. My friend, Liz, enticed me with her great company and wine. However, my competitive, or shall we say, efficient nature, took over.

Challenge #1 - someone broke the corkscrew

Challenge #2 - learning the lingo: embellish (glue a bow on), dimensionalize (put a 2-sided pillowy sticker on the back of your cut-out to pop it off the page 2 mm), snail (glue), punch (to use a cutting machine with cookie cutter-like parts to pop out shapes), crystallize (using fancy glitter glue), seasonal shades (marketing to entice you to buy new colours 4 times a year)

Challenge #3 - finish 3 sets of 4 cards in 2 hours

GO!!!

Station 1 - Task: to punch 20 alphabetical letters and 8 shapes. Our group has 4 people, 1 punch, and 1 snail. Quickly, one person jumps ship to a more interesting station. Great! (only 2 others to share with). I decisively lunge for the punch. No time for design. I grab the closest 20 sheets of paper and punch, punch, punch. Woot! 15 minutes down and I'm on a roll. Locate the snail, review operation of snail with project manager, and glue, glue, glue. Looking good - only 25 minutes have passed. OH NO!! Forgot to punch the cupcake pieces. A definite major setback and to the back of the line I must go and wait, and wait, and wait. The next group is eyeing the punch. I snatch it away and get my cupcakes cut. I shout, "Gimme the snail!" and then a little more sheepishly, "Only, of course, if you're done with it." Some glares are shot my way. No time for niceties or embellishments. I've used up 60% of allotted time but have only 33% finished product. Adios Station 1. I'm done with you.

Station 2 - Task: to stamp, crystallize, rip, and dimensionalize. Time to catch up. I am a few minutes ahead of my other team members and jubilant that I, alone, will have the sole use of the snail. I stamp 4 cards in under 2 minutes. I cut out 4 snowboard dudes in under 1.5 minutes. I rip paper to create snowbanks in 1 minute. I crystallize in less than 45 seconds. But something's missing?! Oh, yah, I need to dimensionalize! Where are the !@#$%^&* puffy stickers?? Some woman, who's been chatting away her valuable production time, has her supplies on top of the puffy stickers. I bat my eyelashes and sweetly request the puffy stickers, you know, if it's not too much trouble. The seconds tick away like hours as I gag the demon inside from shouting, "Gimme the f@#$%^&'n puffy stickers! I need to dimensionalize!!!!!!" Stickers handed over and 3.5 seconds later I'm DONE!!!

Station 3 - Task: to punch 12 ornaments, create the illusion of dangling from a tree, stamp roll a decoration along the side of the card, and embellish with bows. I have few precious minutes left before deadline. I have made up some time at Station 2 but have 33% outstanding product with 15 % remaining time. I need to lower my scruples. I have observed that one woman is about to finish her FIRST set of 4 cards (time management skills?) and seems to have extra cut-outs. Those extra cut-outs could save me a good 20 minutes. In fact, it's really not stealing but instead, the environmentally conscious thing to do. I would be recycling her wasted excess. She agrees to the donation and I knock off 2.5 cards in 7.5 minutes. I punch 5 more ornaments, draw 12 strings, and roll 4 stamp decorations in the blink of an eye. A little snail action, I embellish with bows, and my task is COMPLETE!!

I finally take the time to peruse my surroundings. No one else is close to done but everyone else is content and engaged in casual conversation. Hmmmm....I completed my deadline with 5 minutes to spare but fear that I missed the whole point of the exercise. Luckily, someone has fixed the corkscrew.